


What You'll Gain

by Mrojam



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Parent-Child Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:54:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27228418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrojam/pseuds/Mrojam
Summary: Julie wakes up on a bad day missing her mom. Luke does not do well with crying. But he knows who does.
Relationships: Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Comments: 41
Kudos: 390





	What You'll Gain

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! So, I haven't written anything in like seven years, and now this stupid TV show has me not only writing, but back to writing fanfiction. Seriously, though, Netflix- if you're reading this- I will show up at the Netflix headquarters with a boombox and blare "Unsaid Emily" until you renew it. Emotional torture.

When someone you love passes away, there’s a horrible kind of pain that happens somedays. In the morning, you wake up, and in that second before you open your eyes, you can half hear them. Faintly, distantly, the sound they used to make echo in the space between sleep and waking. Breathing in bed next to you. Laughing in the kitchen. Talking in the living room.

  
Just before Julie opened her eyes, her mom was in the studio, singing.

  
Julie could hear her. Muffled through the walls of the house, the soft rise and fall of a song Julie couldn’t quite make out. And Julie snuggled into her pillow, stretching, smiling, knowing that when she opened her eyes, she could go down and join her mom. And they’d sit and write for a bit before Julie had to go to school, and maybe her mom would drive her and-  
By then, Julie opened her eyes, and the music was gone again. She could hear Carlos and her dad in the kitchen, but no music from the studio. She closed her eyes tight, trying to bring it back, but instead a few tears dripped out onto her pillow.

  
Once the silence settles in, it sinks into your stomach. The pain radiates from your chest down, and everything hurts. Sometimes, a few deep breaths settle it. Other days, it stays. An ache that nothing can help. Just emptiness and echoing silence.

  
Julie burrowed deeper under her blankets, trying and failing not to cry more. She huddled there, still wrapped in a blanket cocoon when her dad knocked on the door. “Mija?” Ray stuck his head in Julie’s room and saw her still in bed. “Oh, Julie.” He treaded carefully to her, slowly sinking down next to her bed so he could see her face. He brushed some of the curls out of her red eyes.

  
“I don’t feel good, Papi.” Julie said, her voice barely a whisper. “Please, can I- Can I stay home?” Her voice trembled and his heart broke. He knew Dr. Turner had told him that there’d be bad days, and it was important to acknowledge the kids’ grief, but also the importance of normal routines. Letting Julie stay home would be a setback in Dr. Turner’s eyes, but she was doing so much better. Julie had just played The Orpheum less than two weeks ago, just a few weeks after not having touched a piano or sung a note for almost a year.

  
“I don’t know Mija,” He sighed. “You have no fever and Dr. Turner says….” Julie squeezed her eyes closed even tighter, her lip trembling, as she gave a tiny nod and tried to take a shaky breath. Ray stopped, took a deep breath himself. Dr. Turner was great with Julie and Carlos, but Dr. Turner wasn’t here. Not seeing the girl Ray’d been so proud of up on that stage again with her hologram band, singing her heart out, now trembling in her bed. “Do you want me to stay home with you?”

  
Julie looked up at him in surprise as her father stroked her hair away from her face. “Really?” She whispered, her voice cracking. He nodded. She tried to smile shakily. “No, I’ll be okay, I just… I can’t go today.”

  
“Just do me a favor- don’t stay in here all day. Try and shower and eat something, okay? Maybe study a bit since I’m not making you go to school. And do not tell your aunt.” Ray smiled as Julie let out a damp choking giggle. He held out his finger for her, and she reached out and locked her finger in his. He kissed her forehead and pulled the covers back around her shoulders before leaving the room. Julie closed her eyes again, but only heard the sound of her brother complaining about how unfair it was that Julie got to skip school as her father pushed him out the door. She laid there and she missed her mom.

* * *

  
Out in the studio, Reggie was standing by the door, looking out of the windows. “Guys? Hey guys? Ray and Carlos just left and Julie wasn’t with them.”

Alex looked up from the couch where he’d been laying, staring at the ceiling and fiddling with his drumsticks while Luke was working on some new material for the band. “She hasn’t been here yet this morning either. She normally stops in to at least say hi before school.”

Reggie chewed on his bottom lip. “Do you think she’s sick?”

  
“We could go check.” Luke said, shrugging. He was worried, but he was trying not to show it. Reggie and Alex exchanged a look. “It’s not like that!” Luke grumbled. “She’s our friend.”

  
“Mmmhmm.” Alex hummed. “Sure, okay. Friendship is your sole motivation in this situation.”

  
Luke glared at his bandmate. “Oh, shut up.” He grumbled as the three ghosts poofed into the hallway outside Julie’s door.

  
“Julie?” Reggie knocked on the door to Julie’s room. “It’s us. Are you- are you okay?”

  
“Yeah, we’re a little worried.” Alex chimed in, leaning against the door. He pushed his blonde hair out of his eyes, sighing a little. “Can we come in?”  
Luke opened his mouth but didn’t know what to say. Luckily, Julie’s quiet voice broke the silence.

  
“Yeah. It’s okay. Come in.”

  
As the boys entered Julie’s room, they knew something was really wrong. Maybe it’s from being a ghost, but the sadness in the air was almost overwhelming. Reggie’s eyes almost immediately filled with tears.

  
“Julie,” he said, sitting next to the lump of blankets she was huddled in. “What’s going on?”

  
Alex perched on the other side of the Julie-bump and rested his hand on her back. He had become the best at focusing his energy to be able to physically interact with the world. He could take Julie’s mic from her in rehearsal, take the remote to change the show when Reggie started hate-watching the Star Wars Prequels again, and even touched Flynn’s shoulder in rehearsal the other day. She’d screamed and tripped over a chair, yelling “Air can’t touch me!” Luke was a little jealous it came so easily to Alex, but he also had to remember that Alex had Willie to teach him in the beginning. And being able to physically interact with the world would probably help Alex get Willie away from Caleb and the Hollywood Ghost Club.

  
Luke sat down on the ground next to Julie’s bed. He could see a tiny piece of her face peeking out. She made eye contact with him, and when he saw her red-rimmed eyes, he looked at the ground, avoiding her.

  
“I’m okay.” Julie lied.

  
“Yeah, okay.” Alex huffed, his thumb rubbing little circles on Julie’s back.

  
Reggie scooted closer to her. “You don’t have to pretend with us, Julie. We’re your friends.” She didn’t say anything, but Luke could tell she was crying again.

  
“Do you want us to go?” Luke leaned closer to the bed and asked her quietly. She shook her head. They sat with her a while longer, as she cried herself back to sleep.

  
As her breathing evened out, punctuated only by the occasional hiccup the boys poofed into the hallway. The three huddled together and tried to figure out what to do.  
“I promised Willie we’d hang out today while Julie was at school.” Alex said. “Reggie and I were supposed to meet him at the museum.” They had decided to pair off whenever Alex and Willie hung out. That way, Luke or Reggie could keep an eye out if Caleb came around so they could try to get out before having to deal with that pyscho.

  
Luke nodded. “You guys go. I’ll stay here with Julie.” Alex and Reggie looked at each other, eyebrows raised as Luke waved them off. “Seriously guys, I can handle a girl crying, okay? Just go see Willie. Julie’d be upset if she found out you blew him off because she’s having a bad day.”

  
Luke was right, Julie would be upset. But could he actually handle a crying girl? Especially a crying girl he liked? “Okay.” Alex said. “But come get us if she needs us.”

  
After the others poofed out, Luke returned to his spot on the floor by Julie’s bed and thought about how much she’d lost. Which made no sense, because, I mean, Luke was dead. He’d died and left his parents on bad terms, and here was this girl who had given him a second chance and it made no sense. Why had they been brought to Julie? Frustrated, he buried his head in his hands. He didn’t notice her wake up until she whispered his name.  
“Hey. How’re you feeling? Any better?” He shifted to kneel next to her, propping his elbows on her bedside.

  
“I just miss her, Luke. So much. Hurts to breathe.” Julie whimpered. Luke wished he could hold her. Ever since that night after the Orpheum, when he’d been able to feel her hands on his face and wrap his arms around her, Luke couldn’t get it out of his mind. Not that he’d minded the group hug with the whole band, but that moment of just the two of them- he’d finally felt alive. He reached out to touch her shoulder, but his hand passed right through again. The guys were right. He was awful at dealing with crying girls. And sitting next to Julie on her bed as she hurt, being unable to do anything to make it better- it was just as bad as eating a tainted hot dog, or watching his mom cry over his birthday cake.

  
And just like that Luke had an idea.

  
“Hey.” He whispered to Julie. “I have an idea. Maybe something that might make you feel better. If you’re up to getting out of bed?”  
“I don’t think I can write, Luke, I’m sorry.” She shook her head.

  
“No, no.” Luke said. “Not that. Let’s go for walk. I know somewhere we can go, something we can do, that might make you feel better.” Julie nodded. She had promised her dad she’d get out of bed. And Luke did know all the best music spots in the city. It might help, she thought.

* * *

  
“Why are we at your parents’ house, Luke?” Julie asked, fiddling with the sleeve of her oversized sweatshirt as they stood at the end of his driveway. Dark clouds had rolled in, and thunder was rumbling in the distance. “Did you need to tell them something else? And can’t it wait until later?”

  
Luke turned so he was standing right in front of her. He reached for her hand, but hesitated. Every time they couldn’t touch again broke his heart a little, and he already felt a little like it was breaking watching her in pain.  
“Look.” He said, shoving his hands back into his pockets and shifting his weight from side to side. “I’m not good at this. At comforting people. It’s not something I was ever good at. And it kills me to not be able to know what to say. And I know about dying so..” Julie smiled a little watery smile at him, and his heart melted. He took a deep breath. “I was just thinking. You’re hurting because you miss your mom. And my mom’s hurting because she misses her kid.”

  
Julie looked up, surprised. “What?”

  
“My dad’s at work. She’s home alone right now. Crocheting or knitting or whatever. But sometimes she sits and cries too.” He turned to his childhood home and caught a glimpse of his mother in the chair in front of the window. The same place she sat when the police came to tell her he was gone. Julie stepped a little closer to him and they stood there for a minute, before Julie teared up and looked down at her hands, twisting the cuffs of her shirt.

  
“Luke, I-“ Just then, the skies opened up, and a downpour of rain started.

  
“Julie?” Julie and Luke both looked up to see his mother standing on the porch, opening an umbrella. “It’s Julie, right? You brought the song Luke wrote. Honey, what are you doing out in this storm? Are you okay?”

  
Julie tried to nod but burst into tears. Big tears. The kind that really made Luke want to run away, but his mother came right down the path to Julie.

  
“What’s wrong? Is there something I can do to help?” Emily hurried down the path, and quickly tried to cover Julie under the umbrella. She wrapped her arms around Julie’s shaking shoulders  
Julie shook her head, embarrassed. She tried to speak but the sobs just kept coming.

  
“Come sit down inside honey. It’s not safe to be out here. Come inside, have some water.” Luke nodded and gestured to get Julie to agree. She turned and let Emily lead her into the Patterson’s’ house.  
“I’m sorry.” Julie managed to gasp out as Emily brought the sobbing girl into their foyer.

  
Emily shook her head and rubbed Julie’s back comfortingly. She’d lived through enough grief-based panic attacks to recognize one. “You’ve got nothing to apologize for, sweetheart. Just breathe.”

  
As Julie tried to calm down and breathe again, Luke stood awkwardly next to the stairs in his former house. He fidgeted, unsure of what to say. But it seemed like his mom was helping Julie, so he just echoed her. “It’s fine, Julie. You’re fine. Breathe.”

  
After a few minutes standing with to Luke’s mother, Julie could feel the weight that had been sinking into her chest all morning start to dissolve. She took a few breaths, sighing deeply.

  
“Better?” Emily asked. Julie nodded. “Good. Now, you’re absolutely soaked. Why don’t I find something for you to put on and throw this in the dryer, okay? Then maybe we can have some hot chocolate and you can tell me what’s going on.”

Julie peeled off her soaked sweatshirt. Luckily, her tee shirt underneath wasn’t too bad, but combined with the chill in the air, she could feel the goosebumps pricking on her arms. She rubbed them as she took a seat on the couch, while Emily ran downstairs to the laundry room. Staring at the framed photos on the mantel, Julie zoned out, exhausted. And when Emily returned, Luke was right behind her, smiling.

  
“My mom makes really good hot chocolate. Julie. Get ready.”

  
Emily set two steaming mugs of hot chocolate on the coffee table and pulled out the bundle of fabric draped over her arm. Emily handed it to Julie, who recognized it instantly. An old orange flannel, well-worn and washed until it was soft. It was almost identical to the one Luke was wearing.

  
“This was Luke’s. He must have had a dozen, all almost identical. I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of them.” Emily looked fondly at it. “I’m not sure why, but it felt like the right thing. It was on top of the clean laundry pile. I’m not sure how it got there, but it felt like a sign.”

  
Julie smiled as she slipped her arms into it. “Yeah, those signs. Who knows where they come from?”

  
Luke plopped himself down on the arm of the sofa. “Yeah, who knows?”

  
Emily settled herself in the chair next to the sofa and grabbed one of the mugs. “What’s going on, Julie?”

  
Julie did the same, wrapping her hands around the mug for warmth. “My mom. She- she passed away, just about a year ago.”

  
“Oh, Julie, I’m so sorry.” Emily leaned forward, rested her hand on Julie’s arm comfortingly.

  
“I had found Luke’s song while I was going through the old things in her studio. But today I woke up and…”. Julie felt her throat close off as she tried to swallow down another round of tears.

  
“You woke up and forgot she was gone?” Emily guessed. Julie nodded. “I still do that all the time. I hear him, strumming away on his guitar in his room.” She stopped for a moment, choking back her own wave of grief. Julie looked over at Luke, who was looking sheepish. He refused to meet Julie’s eyes as he rubbed the back of his head, and she realized that sometimes, when she would come to the studio in the mornings and he wasn’t there, he was here. Playing for his mother. “I used to go in and scold him for making so much noise so early, but now I’d give anything to hear it again.”

  
Julie smiled. “He sounds like he was trouble.”

  
“I am not trouble.” Luke groused, pouting. Julie ignored him.

  
“Oh, he was.” Emily smiled sadly. “He was always making noise, always making music. From the moment he could focus his eyes, you could see the gears turning whenever he heard music.”

  
“My mom was the same way.”

  
“Something tells me you are too.” Emily smiled. The two sat in silence for a moment, sipping their hot chocolates.

“Would you tell me more about him?” Julie asked, wrapping her hands around the warm mug.  
Emily smiled, got up and went to the cabinet. She opened the doors and pulled out a large photo album. Sitting down next to Julie, she opened it to a photo of baby Luke in the hospital.  
“I started this when he was born. I always wished I could have shown it to the girl he brought home. I wanted to embarrass him a little.” Emily said. “Although, I think in a way, he did bring you home to meet us.”

“You have no idea.” Julie said under her breath.

  
“And I am absolutely embarrassed.” Luke grumbled.

  
Julie whispered to him as Emily handed her the book and settled in next to Julie. “No messing this up.”

  
“What, dear?”

  
Julie thought quickly. “I was just reminding myself to be careful with it. It’s important, and really nice of you to let me see it.”  
Emily smiled as Julie turned the page to a picture of a tiny toddler Luke wearing cowboy boots, a cowboy hat, and a diaper. Luke buried his face in his hands as Julie burst out laughing.

  
“This was a mistake” he groaned.

* * *

  
“…And then he would refuse to go to bed unless we tucked his little guitar into bed next to him!”

  
“Julie, I swear if you mention any of this to Reggie and Alex- Stop laughing! I was five, Julie!”

* * *

  
“…Standing in front of the whole church, leading his first communion class in singing a song he’d written… I was so proud of him that day.” Emily said, as she ran a finger over the photo of Luke in his little first communion suit, standing outside their house next to her and Mitch.

  
“My mom wrote me a song for my first communion too. She’d written others for me, but that was the first one that other people heard that she written for me.” Julie smiled at the memory. “She made my dress too. Then she started a food fight with my cake at the party. It was everywhere, my aunt got so mad. My little brother had smashed handfuls of it into her purse and she didn’t realize it until the next day.”

  
“Yeah, that sound like Carlos.” Luke shook his head as Emily and Julie laughed and chatted about First Communions that happened nearly twenty years apart.

* * *

Emily turned the page to a photo of Sunset Curve, playing in the Patterson’s backyard. “This was right after he started his band. They played my book club meeting.”

  
Julie smiled, recognizing a slightly younger version of her band and Carrie’s dad. Emily was standing to the side of the photo, blurred as she was turning away. Julie could tell there wasn’t a smile on her face. Emily noticed too. She sighed.

  
“We had a huge fight right after everyone left. I was worried his bandmates were a bad influence. We’d just found out that one of them, the drummer, was-"

  
Emily was interrupted by the window swinging open. Both she and Julie looked up startled. They’d been so engrossed in stories of Luke’s childhood, neither had noticed that the rain had stopped. It was still pretty windy, but the sun was beginning to peek through the clouds.

  
“I keep telling Mitch he needs to fix these latches!” Emily said as she stood to close them. Luke stepped to the side so she wouldn’t pass through him. He looked at Julie, a serious expression on his face, cheeks slightly red.

  
“That part’s not her story to tell.” He said quietly. Julie already had a pretty good inkling what Alex’s secret was- after all, helping hijack a tour bus isn’t something you just do for a friend. But Luke was right. Julie nodded, and checked her phone.  
Almost three hours had passed, and she had six text messages she’d missed. Three were from Flynn. One from Nick. And two from her father.

  
 _Almost done with my shoot_. He’d written. _I’ll be home soon_.

  
He’d sent the last one fifteen minutes ago. Which meant…

  
“Oh no.” Julie said, as her phone started ringing.

  
“What’s wrong?” Emily asked.

  
“It’s my dad. I forgot to leave a note.” Julie took a deep breath and answered. “Hi, Papi. I’m okay. No, I’m at a friend’s house. A new friend, actually.” Emily smiled at her.

  
“I’ll go get your sweatshirt, honey. Tell him you’ll head home in a minute.” She left Julie alone in the living room.

  
“No, Dad, I’m okay. Yeah. I’ll leave here in just a minute. It’s not a long walk. I’ll be home soon. Okay. Okay, Love you too. Bye.”

  
As Emily returned, Julie started to shrug off Luke’s flannel shirt.

  
“Oh, no, Honey. Keep it. Something just feels right about sending it with you. Kinda like you’re keeping Luke alive, in a way.” Emily smiled as she smoothed the fabric over Julie’s shoulders. “Thank you for visiting today. I know it was a rough day for you, but you turned it into a wonderful one for me.”

Julie put her hand over Emily’s. “No, thank you. I really needed this.”

  
“Well, anytime you need some hot chocolate talk, you know where to find me, okay?” Emily pulled Julie into a hug. “I think we make each other better.”

  
Julie wrapped her arms around Emily in return. Luke stood off to the side, watching Julie and his mom embrace, his heart full. Emily had her eyes closed, resting on top of Julie’s head. Julie was tucked safely under his mom’s chin. He couldn’t fix everything with his mom. And he couldn’t bring back Julie’s. But he could do this. And maybe…

  
He walked over and carefully put his arms around the two. At first it felt like nothing. Like he was going to pass right through again. But suddenly, he felt them.

  
Julie smiled as she felt Luke joining the hug. Warmth and peace rushed over her.

  
“Thanks, Mom.” She heard him whisper, just before he poofed outside to wait for her.

  
Emily’s eyes flew open and she looked around for a moment. Then, a little flustered, she walked Julie to the door and said goodbye.

  
As Julie walked away from the house, sweatshirt over her arm, she spotted Luke waiting for her at the end of the driveway, hands in his pockets.

  
“You’re smiling, Molina.” He teased. “Feel better?” Julie nodded.

  
“Yeah. A lot better actually. This was a really good idea, Luke. Thanks.” She smiled at him. He held out his hand to her. She reached out and took it. She could feel the roughness of calluses from his guitar as he rubbed his thumb against the top of her hand, the pressure as he squeezed her hand gently.

  
“Let’s go home.” He said.

  
The two turned, hand in hand, and started the walk back to Julie’s, both not noticing that the dahlias Emily had planted in the garden in front of the Patterson’s house had begun to bloom.


End file.
